


these days it feels like you're mine (but no)

by thewoundupbird



Category: Mamamoo
Genre: Canon, F/F, Friends With Benefits, angsty fluff, canon moonsun is so hard because their real life is so fic like, getting together is first and last scene is them meeting for the first time, hard to capture man, i got this as a prompt and thought it would be a fun twist to the usual canon fare, relationship in reverse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-20
Updated: 2018-12-20
Packaged: 2019-09-23 07:53:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17076356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thewoundupbird/pseuds/thewoundupbird
Summary: moonsun's relationship in reverse, from their end to their beginning.





	these days it feels like you're mine (but no)

**Author's Note:**

> from the prompt:
> 
> "I'd like to challenge you to write a story backwards. Not literally sdrawckab but like how they end up towards how they met, if that makes any sense."

 

 

Yongsun pulls Byulyi in for a kiss and she can just barely hold on, gripping the curling hairs not captured in the bun at the top of her head.  It is warm and tastes like fireworks, loud and magnificent and show-stopping.  When Yongsun leans back a little, noses brushing, Byulyi braces herself for the worst.

 

“I love you.”

 

Byulyi blinks, jaw almost slack with the shock of it all.

 

“What?”

 

“I love you and I’m done running from you.”  Yongsun presses their mouths together again and Byulyi lets her.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Byulyi’s shoulders hunch as she practices the words over and over in her mind, trying to get it just right.  She jumps a little when she hears Yongsun come in, hand slapping against the wall as she toes off her shoes.  Byulyi looks up and meets Yongsun’s gaze, her hair haloed in yellow from the hallway light.

 

“Who let you in?” she asks curtly, trying to hide the shock in her face by dropping her keys on the counter.

 

“Yonghee did.  I had to beg her and promise to get her Jin’s autograph.”

 

“She does have a soft spot for BTS.”

 

Byulyi swallows as the words stretch into silence, and as the hallway motion sensor light shuts off they’re left in darkness.  She can make out Yongsun on the other side of the room, hands pressing into the kitchen counter as her head bows.

 

“Byul-ah, why did you come here?  Didn’t you say you wanted to stop... doing this anymore?”

 

Byulyi swallows as she rises from her spot on the couch, jaw clenching in nerves as she walks closer to the other woman.

 

“Unnie, I can’t keep having sex with you and just be friends.  But I really miss you.  So I wanted to just come here and maybe we could try to get a meal and try to go back to norm-”

 

“I don’t want that,” snaps Yongsun.  Byulyi doesn’t realize how close they are until she sees the flush of the other woman’s cheeks even in the darkness.  She swallows as she tries to stop the tears that suddenly well in her eyes and a broken sound escapes from her mouth.

 

“O-oh.  Okay.  Okay, that’s-”

 

And then Yongsun stops her from finishing her sentence.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Byulyi is under the covers, blinking slowly as Yongsun rises from her spot on the bed.  The love motel’s scratchy sheets make her wince as she raises her arms above her head, arching her back and not caring about how the sheets expose her breasts.

 

“We should get going.  It’s still early enough that we can get the first bus back.”

 

Byulyi blinks slowly as she takes in Yongsun’s silhouette, already dressed and pulling her hair into a sloppy pony tail.

 

“We paid for it for all night.  It won’t make a difference in price.  Come back to bed, Yongsun-ah.”  

 

Yongsun pauses for a second before turning to her, face contorted into an anger unfamiliar to Byulyi.

 

“Don’t you understand how dangerous this is, Moon Byulyi? If we leave too late then someone could catch us! How would that look? ‘Solar and Moonbyul from Mamamoo leave a love motel together!’ Naver would have a fucking field day!”

 

Byulyi’s face twists and she feels anger start to bubble within her.

 

“Don’t you think I care about that? This is my career too, you know.”

 

“But it seems like you really don’t!  You’re always just dragging me into closets as soon as you can!  Like you don’t care about the cameras or what people think.”

 

“Because I dont!”  Byulyi is raising her voice now, sitting up in bed and not caring about how naked she is in front of Yongsun.  She’s seen her like this in various states of undress anyway.  “I don’t care what other people think! Haven’t you been listening to me for years? Don’t you know that I wouldn’t give this away for anything?”

 

Yongsun lips curl and she looks so cruel that Byulyi feels tears prick her eyes.  She doesn’t understand where this anger comes from but it makes the hurt from nursing an unrequited love bubble to the surface.

 

“Byulyi, you knew from the beginning that this could never be a relationship.”

 

Byulyi’s tears are falling freely but she doesn’t even care anymore.

 

“That doesn’t matter.  My feelings don’t matter anyway.  They’ve never mattered to you.”

 

Yongsun really looks mad in that moment and suddenly she’s on the bed next to Byulyi with her teeth bared in an almost snarl.

 

“How could you even say that? We’ve been friends for years.  How could you look at me and say that I’ve never cared about your feelings?”

 

“Because,” and Byulyi’s tongue feels thick in her mouth at the words she will say.  “Because if you really cared about me, you wouldn’t have let me have sex with you for this long if you didn’t feel the same way.”

 

Yongsun stiffens and she’s looking at Byulyi with eyes a little wet.  Byulyi bites her lip and tries to reach forward to brush her thumb under Yongsun’s eye but the other woman jerks away.  Byulyi drops her hand into her own lap.

 

“I can’t keep doing this, Unnie.  I can’t keep lying to myself.  And you shouldn’t either.”

 

“Then what?  What does this  _mean_?”

 

Byulyi licks her lips as she stands, picking up her clothes and putting them on quickly.  She feels Yongsun watching her back and she simultaneously feels frustrated and relieved.

 

She crosses over to the door, grabbing her wallet and jacket.  

 

“Byul-ah?”

 

“I’m gonna go first.  I can’t be with you right now.  Just... I can’t keep having sex with you like this and pretend like we’re friends afterwards. So can’t you just choose one or the other? It  _hurts_ me, Yongsun-unnie.”

 

Byulyi looks over her shoulder and Yongsun is crying.  She fights against her usual instincts to comfort and slips out the door. 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

“Who’s your ideal type?”  

 

The radio host is smiling at Yongsun curiously and Byulyi feels her smile stiffen for a split second before widening.  She’s grateful there are no cameras for this particular appearance.

 

“Hmm, I wonder...”  Yongsun shifts a little in her seat and Byulyi just stares at her, the grip on the other woman’s thigh tightening under the table.  

 

“Yoo Jaesuk is very charming. We met him at an Awards show the other week.”

 

“And Yongsun-unnie got a picture with him a few years ago when she went on his show with Byulyi-unnie,” Wheein chimes in.

 

“But he’s married and has kids!”

 

“Sometimes,” Byulyi says, giving a smirk into the mic with the bravado of her onstage persona, “you want the thing you just can’t have.”

 

She doesn’t turn to look but she knows Yongsun is staring at her, face a little flushed as the host moves onto the next question.  Byulyi tries to control her expression but she can feel her heart pounding in her ears.  She wonders if Yongsun can hear it.  

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

Yongsun pants against her mouth before pulling her in for another kiss, sloppy and wet.  Byulyi lets out a little yelp as the other woman grabs at her pants.

 

“U-unnie, what if someone walks in?”

 

Yongsun scoffs and Byulyi’s heart hammers because this is the Yongsun she’s only allowed to see.  She’s disaffected and a little cold and she does whatever she wants if it makes her feel good.  Yongsun takes her silence as consent and leans forward, licking into her mouth as a hand sneaks under the waistband of her pants.

 

“I wish you would wear more skirts,” Byulyi feels whispered in her ear as Yongsun strokes her.  She lets out a pathetic whimper and Yongsun chuckles.

 

“You’re already so wet.  I like that I can tell how hot you find me.  That’s why we do this, after all.”  

 

Byulyi frowns a little.  There was something about Yongsun’s tone that sounded a bit too self-deprecating for her liking.  But then she’s pulled from thinking by teeth biting against her collar bone.  She leans into the contact, exhaling at how the pain is quickly tempered by a wet tongue and then sucking. 

 

“You always bite me on camera but I think we both know who really does all the biting, Byul-ah.”  

 

Yongsun circles her clit and Byulyi presses closer, hugging the other woman flush against her chest.  In this moment all she can think of is Yongsun.  When she comes it’s a little sloppy and messy but when she pulls back and Yongsun is looking at her with dark eyes full of desire, she doesn’t even think to fix her pants as she drops to her knees to reciprocate. 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

“She’s cute,” Yongsun mentions as the fan who had been asking for pictures leaves.  Byulyi pauses, her spoon halfway to her mouth.

 

“Yeah she was cute.  But aren’t all our fans the cutest?” she jokes with a grin that wrinkles her nose.

 

Yongsun hums but she’s watching Byulyi who resumes eating.

 

“I think she looks like your type, too.  Long dark hair, thin, a little reserved.”

 

Byulyi’s jaw clenches and she glances at Yongsun.

 

“Why are you talking like that? Are you jealous?”

 

“Byul-ah, I can’t be jealous.  We’re not dating.”

 

Byulyi nods and tries to ignore the way the words cut her deeper than Yongsun will ever know. 

 

“Right. But still, asking me if I find a fan attractive is kind of weird.”

 

“Well when this is over you’ll need someone, right? This can’t go on forever.  I’m waiting for the day you move on from me and lust after a younger prettier girl.”

 

Byulyi’s spoon clacks against her plate a bit too loudly.  Yongsun is teasing but there’s too much bite there for her to let it completely slide.  But when she sees the way Yongsun’s mouth is pinched and how her eyes are a bit too dark she realizes that what she wants to say won’t make the other woman feel any better. 

 

“Wanna get out of here?” she asks, a smirk pulling at her mouth.

 

Yongsun huffs but she starts to get her things.

 

“You’re insatiable,” she grumbles.

 

“Only for you,” Byulyi practically sings out and they share a laugh.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

Yongsun is letting her fuck her against a door in a nondescript room at an award show.  Her knees hurt but she doesn’t care as she presses her mouth against Yongsun’s inner thigh, tonguing a dark bruise she left there a few days ago.  She doesn’t remember the last time they’ve hung out as friends that hasn’t ended with them having sex.  A part of her twinges with remorse at the thought.  Yongsun isher best friend but it seems like they can't stop themselves from grabbing at each other like every day is the end of the world.

 

“What are you thinking about?”

 

Byulyi pulls away and lowers Yongsun’s dress.  The hands gripping her hair loosen a little.

 

“Nothing, nothing.”

 

“Well then could you please get back to what you were doing earlier?”

 

Byulyi’s mouth twists into a smile and she lowers the dress back over her head and laps into wetness, using her hands to pull Yongsun open like a bloomed flower.  She moans at the taste of Yongsun and the tight grip on her hair tightens and it hurts a little but she keeps going. 

 

Yongsun islucky Byulyi loves her.

 

The thought makes ice sluice down her spine and she stops what she is doing.  It all makes sense.  She’s always found Yongsun attractive but this is more than that.  This sort of love stretches outside of sex to the dumb things Yongsun does like not showering for five days straight or whining so loudly her ears start to ring.  It’s gross but in a weird way it’s endearing and god she’s so cute and shit she’s in love-

 

“Byul-ah! Come on, this teasing thing isn’t funny.”

 

Byulyi swallows as she tries to control herself, still under Yongsun’s dress and heady with the musk of the other woman’s wetness.  She exhales shakily and grips the back of Yongsun’s thighs again.  She can’t help herself from pressing a soft kiss against the bruise on her thigh before returning back to the place Yongsun needs her to be.

 

Byulyi writes I love you with her tongue and only then does Yongsun come.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

“So you guys have sex but there’s no feelings involved?”

 

“Nope!” Byulyi sing songs as she goes back to texting Yongsun.

 

“That sounds…”  Sandeul winces into his glass of beer. 

 

“What?”

 

“Really out of character for you honestly.”

 

“Why? Just because I’m a woman I can’t have sex with someone without having feelings for them?”

 

Sandeul raises his hands in protest, not wanting to get socked in the arm.

 

“That’s not what I meant! I’m just saying for _you_ that sounds so out of character.  You’ve always struck me as the type that only does long term relationships.”

 

Byulyi rolls her eyes as she sips at her beer, glancing down at Yongsun’s response.  It’s a weird picture of her holding a stuffed animal and making a dumb face.  She grins and sends back a scathing reply.

 

“Are you texting her right now?”

 

“Yep.”

 

“And you’re not dating?”

 

“Nope.”

 

Sandeul sighs and finishes his beer.

 

“If you say so, Moon Byulyi.”

 

“You’re just jealous because you’re not with anyone right now.”

 

“Couldn’t you stop being so mean for like five minutes? I’m sorry I apparently don’t have the sex appeal of a 162 cm. rapper.”

 

Byulyi levels him with a glare before she sees Yongsun’s response.  It’s a selfie of her pouting captioned with:

 

_Stop being sooooo mean._

She fights the smile curling at her mouth as she texts Yongsun back.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

“We should have some ground rules,” Yongsun stresses as she sits up in the motel room.

 

Byulyi groans into her pillow and tries to grab at the other woman.

 

“Can you come over her and put your mouth to better use? It’s so early…”

 

Byulyi’s answer is a scratchy pillow hitting her in the face.

 

“Last night wasn’t a mistake,” Yongsun says steadily.

 

Byulyi cracks a curious eye open at the comment.

 

“I sort of figured when you put your hands down my pants first, stone cold sober.”

 

“I wanted to have sex with you.”

 

“I also wanted to have sex with you.”

 

Yongsun nods once, staring at the white wall in front of them.

 

“We can keep having sex with each other.  But it’s just sex.  If we were to date or something it’d make the group weird.  Plus, I’m still doing that show and I’m not sure I’d be able to act it up with Eric if I was in an actual relationship.”

 

Byulyi looks up at Yongsun and grins.

 

“Unnie, you’re my best friend.  I think you’re really hot but any thoughts of wanting to date you went out the window when you threw a cereal box at me.”

 

Yongsun looks down at her and bursts into giggles.

 

“Right? We’d be horrible together.  I bet we’d probably kill each other!”

 

They laugh together and Byulyi sits up, tucking a loose strand of hair behind Yongsun’s ear.

 

“We can just be best friends who have sex together sometimes.  Simple as that.”

 

“Is that possible? To just be friends?”

 

“Well if it gets weird or one of us develops feelings for the other one we can just stop.  We’re always honest with each other, right Unnie?”

 

Yongsun nods and she leans against Byulyi’s shoulder.

 

“Sometimes you can be so straightforward, Byul,” she teases as the other woman wraps an arm around her.

 

“It’s one of my better qualities, Unnie. Second to my variety skills.”

 

“What variety skills?”

 

That earns Yongsun a tickle attack that has the girl in tears, screaming so loudly that they get a phone call from the love hotel’s front desk asking to keep the noise down.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

Byulyi absentmindedly strokes Yongsun’s thigh as the other woman bounces her leg.

 

“You’re nervous about tomorrow,” she comments.

 

“I’m not nervous.”

 

Byulyi just levels her with a look before reaching forward and smoothing Yongsun’s furrowed brow with a thumb.

 

“Unnie, I’ve known you for years now.  Your face does that pinched thing when you’re anxious about something.”

 

“It’s just my first variety show.  Plus I’ve never met Eric Nam before.  And I’m not even into guys!”

 

Byulyi smiles and clasps the other woman’s hand gently.  Thoughtlessly she presses a kiss to the soft skin of Yongsun’s wrist and for once she doesn’t get swatted at for being greasy.

 

“Unnie.  You’re going to do great. You’re going to charm the hearts of South Koreans and get Mamamoo’s name out there just like you wanted.”

 

“But… but I’m nervous, Byul-ah!”

 

Byulyi grins and runs a soothing hand up and down the other girl’s thigh again. 

 

“Unnie, you’re going to be great.  I’ll support you no matter what.  I’m even doing the first episode as a guest star, remember?”

 

“You’re so good to me,” Yongsun mumbles as she leans into Byulyi’s shoulder.  She stiffens when she feels Yongsun nuzzle against her neck and they both seem to realize the gesture is a little too intimate.  But Yongsun doesn’t stop and a hand drags along the plane of Byulyi’s stomach over the shirt. 

 

They both turn toward each other in that moment and Byulyi’s eyes drop to Yongsun’s slightly open mouth.  She would be lying if she said that she didn’t find Yongsun attractive.  But it feels a little bit like a line would be crossed if they kissed.  They’d been friends for years and they're even in the same group.  But then Yongsun bites her lip and Byulyi feels her stomach bottom out.

 

“Byul-ah,” Yongsun whispers and Byulyi’s mouth is dry.

 

Suddenly someone’s phone is ringing and Yongsun is the first to pull away.  Byulyi bonelessly melts into Yongsun’s couch, watching the other woman’s back as she animatedly talks to her mother.  If she doesn’t find a way to get rid of this stupid crush, Moon Byulyi is going to go crazy.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

Yongsun holds Byulyi gently, letting her rest against the other woman’s chest.

 

“I’m sorry that she broke up with you,” Yongsun says softly as she rocks Byulyi a little.

 

“I mean I wasn’t able to call her as much as I should have.  It’s my fault.  Minji was a really nice girlfriend, too.”

 

Yongsun strokes Byulyi’s hair.  Wheein offered to sleep in Hwasa’s room that night so that the two of them could be alone.  Byulyi’s girlfriend of nearly three years, Minji, had just broken up with her in person and she had dragged herself back to the dorm in tears.  On top of being closeted, dating an idol had proven too much for the other girl, resulting in a painful breakup at a quiet coffee shop after a tense dinner. 

 

“She liked me even when I was fat,” sniffles Byulyi.

 

“You weren’t fat.  It’s just Korea’s unreasonable beauty standards.”

 

“Unnie, stop being so nice. I deserve this.  I made her feel neglected! I was a bad girlfriend.”

 

Yongsun sighs and adjusts Byulyi so that they are looking at each other.

 

“Moon Byulyi.  You are the sweetest and most considerate girlfriend I’ve ever seen.  Minji was lucky to have you as a girlfriend.  You ended up not being able to give her exactly what she needs right now but that doesn’t make either of you bad people.”

 

Byulyi sniffles and rubs at her eyes.  Yongsun seems so kind in this moment that she’s a little awestruck by the other woman.  She really is the leader of Mamamoo.

 

“Unnie… thank you.  For being so nice to me.”

 

“Oh Moon Byulyi, it’s okay.  Break-ups are hard.  I may be kind of harsh to you sometimes but I really think you’re a good kid.”

 

Byulyi’s nose crinkles as she smiles. 

 

“You’re not so bad yourself, Unnie.  Whoever gets to date you will be the luckiest person in the world.”

 

“Oh god, stop being so greasy.  I’ll stop hugging you if you don’t!”

 

Byulyi giggles and holds onto Yongsun tighter, burrowing her face into the other woman’s shoulder. 

 

“Unnie, I’m in love with you! I won’t ever let you go for as long as I live!”

 

They pull away and laugh with each other happily, the jagged pain of Minji temporarily forgotten.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

Byulyi leans against the glass of the mirror in the practice room.  Wheein sits down next to her feet with Hyejin sprawled out on the floor.

 

“Teacher, when is the new girl going to come? I’m gonna pass out.”

 

“They said something about a traffic issue.  She’s coming in a few minutes.  Could everyone bring their high heels out for the dance practice in the meantime?”

 

Byulyi frowns.

 

“High heels? I thought we were doing the hip hop practice today.”

 

“Yeah but they changed it yesterday night.  Unnie, didn’t you get the message?”

 

Byulyi flushes.  She’d been at the company for a little less than a year but she still felt like she is just getting the swing of things.  And by the looks of the new dance teacher, such a mistake wouldn’t be forgiven very easily.

 

“T-teacher, I forgot my high heels.”

 

“Hello! Sorry I’m late.”

 

Byulyi snaps her head toward the front door and sees a small girl with a scarf wrapped around her neck, shoulder length hair tangled in the red fabric.  Her round face makes her look around the same age as Hyejin and Wheein.  In her hand is a big bag that seems to hold shoes.

 

“Moon Byulyi,” scolds the teacher, ignoring the new trainee.  “I messaged everyone last night about high heels.  If you care about debuting you’d be more vigilant.”

 

Byulyi ducks her head, feeling her face heat up in embarrassment.

 

“Um, I’m sorry if this isn’t my place, but I brought an extra pair of heels she could use.”

 

Byulyi glances curiously at the new girl who is pulling shiny black heels from her bag.

 

“You can borrow them if you want.”

 

Byulyi grabs them eagerly.

 

“Thanks! You’re the best!”

 

When Byulyi flashes her a smile, the other girl returns it hesitantly.

 

Byulyi later finds out that the new girl’s name is Kim Yongsun.

 

 _She’s cute_ , Byulyi thinks, _but a little bit too young to be my type_.  

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> hope you guys liked it! feel free to yell at me at: the-woundupbird.tumblr.com


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